Saturday, 29 May 2010

A little less doubt, & a little Motivation.

So I admittedly became a little removed from playing with polymer clay recently. Part of it is having a 5 month old baby who could give Usain Bolt a run for his money, well not really a run, more of a roll to be fair, but with the speeds she gets from one end of the room to the other you'd think she were training for a new event for 2012.
Well with my hawk eyed mummyness, and lack of folksy sales I have been having self doubt. And the other part is a high level of self doubt.

Yes I may have studied and passed two art degrees, but that never really created confidence in my work. Along with the apparent essential element of having to kiss bottoms to be seen to have any potential really made me annoyed.
So after graduating, getting married, working away from home for 4 months, and having a baby, all within an eighteen month period, didn't allow much time for being creative. Neglecting the creative demons lurking inside. However, although I may have said she takes up much of my time above. Lydia was exactly the creative push I needed.
She has made me completely re-evaluate what I do, realise that I need to push me and that I should do my work. Having a baby releases any boundaries you may have previously had, openly talking in babble voice and pulling silly faces, singing in public, just for tiny smiles. Who cares what everyone around is thinking. Lydia's smiles are more important than how I look to strangers.
And it has made me think again about my work. If I like it, why isn't it good. I make it for me, and if people like it that's a bonus. Yes I know I should have realised this a long time ago, but maybe it was just the courses I studied.

Applying for a recent residency course also made me doubt myself. When it came to a CV, well what can I say?
It comes down to this. Right now, I may not have much to add, but I know this. I have studied, and I have skills.
I am an artist, I can paint, I can photograph, I can draw.
I am a crafter, I can knit, crochet, embroider, sculpt, make jewellery.

I may not be a master of any of the skills, but I am certainly not the worst.

I may not have the longest list of exhibitions, or sold work, but I enjoy what I do.
In four months since I started working with polymer clay, I have sold pieces, and been featured in a magazine, and one who hunted me down, not vice versa.

Yes this blog is starting to sound a little self indulgent right now and very whiny, I don't expect anyone to be reading this, but after the absence to my obvious creative work, I need to put this out somewhere, to give myself a long term kick up the behind.

4 comments:

  1. You go for it girl! Your creativity is what makes you you. I understand where you're coming from and everyone needs a moan sometimes even if just to get things straight in our own heads.

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  2. Thank you very much, I felt I was just having a huge nonsense whinge. But Thank you for your comment it all keeps me focused

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  3. I sing in public too!! (to my kids!)

    You are very talented. I sold "Alfie" last week!!

    You will find your way, but if you want people to believe in you, you have to believe in yourself. Dottie x

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  4. Thanks Dottie, and well dont on the sale!

    I think being a mum has given me the chance to have more self belief, just need to keep the fire burning now!

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